Housework

31 March 2011 - Norwich


Today, I have housework on my mind. I hate housework - except when I'm really on a mission to get it done. I would rather have six major blasts of it a year than the relentless weekly chore which I put off and put off until I can do so no longer. Unfortunately, I have the hairiest dog in the world and, if I hoovered six times a day, I would never get rid of all the fur. I'm basically lazy and would rather sit on my sofa with the dog, a gardening magazine and a family size pack of Maltesers.


So I have devised strategies to make sure that I do tidy up and clean - I cook for friends. I have a regular stream of guinea pigs through my house trying out my new recipes and it is this that makes me clean the house. But not always.


This weekend is different - my on/off/on at the moment partner is coming to stay for the weekend. Now, he is very cleanliness conscious, although, at the same time, the most untidy person ever. He leaves a wake of dirty clothing, empty glasses, newspaper, etc, wherever he goes and I end up walking behind in his slipstream, disposing of the rubbish and putting the dirty crockery in the sink for washing up. Another job I hate. Although I find it more bearable in the spring/summer when I can gaze out of the kitchen window onto my garden. Perhaps I should invest in some sort of trompe-l'oeil blind for the months when there is nothing to gaze at outside? (Trompe-l'oeil is a concept I have learned about from one of my housey magazines, which come second only to gardening magazines for favoured reading. Fashion magazines do not even appear on the list.)


So tonight, when I return from work, there will be a flurry of activity in my house as I attempt to make things beautiful and sparkling and shiny, ready for the man's arrival tomorrow. I already know I'm doomed to fail. Every week I religiously make a list of everything to do during the week - it is the same list recycled every Saturday - and there are maybe twenty chores to be carried out and crossed off the list with a flourish. I don't recall a week where I have ever accomplished everything on the list. I don't suppose I ever will.